A Withered Rose

She turned pages
and found a withered rose..
She remembered him
and her heart froze

She cried till she choked
as she revoke her past..
Her eyes tumid and red
Cursed his existence till the last...

He broke her heart
He broke his promises..
He broke her faith
He broke her...

She stared at the withered rose
mindlessly For hours
In silence she screamed 'Why?'
She dared not to ask...

A rose shook her sturdy heart
A rose made her shed a million tears..
A rose made her realize she still loved him
A rose made her realize he was not worth all...

She sat all hushed and mum..
Her heart still hurting..
She looked at the wrinkled flower
ans She looked at herself
Just like this parched blossom she thought
Let this Love fade away......

Miserable In Her Own Way

She hears her own words
cause he started the story and forgot to finish it...
She makes her self smile
cause he once made her laugh and left her with ocean of tears...
She keeps herself busy
cause doing nothing haunts her mind with his thoughts...
She lives with no emotions..
She lives for reasons she doesn't understand....
She misses him to no extent
Neither can she live with him
nor can she live without him....

There Are Days When I.....

There are days when I
console the storm inside...
Days when I say to me
I am fine, I don't need you by my side..
Days when I put up a smile
and walk the thorns on my own...
Days when I be brave
to step in unexpected and deal with it all alone..
Days when I try not to
remember your deceitful promises...
Days when I hope I be strong
living your mistakes of taking the defeat...

Then there are days when I
can't console the storm inside...
Days when I breakdown
to find you not by my side....
Days when I cry a hundred tears
and bleed on the thorns you left me to walk on..
Days when I be hopeless
in the unexpected alone...
Days when the pain doesn't end
when I think of your deceitful promises...
Days when I wish
you never should have been a part of my life....

Days when I hate you and I love you...
Days when I hate myself for loving you...

Falling In Love With You

I smile all day
and smile when you say 'Darling, you are the one'
In my mind i dance a slow tune
And I can't help falling in love with you...

I walk our time with you
and You hold my hand and say 'Darling,be safe'
In my heart a warmth gives in
And I can't help falling in love with you...

I push you away
And You caress my lips and say 'Darling,let me stay.I insist.'
I look at you with a frail depth
And I can't help falling in love with you..

So i fumble and error
every time you are around..

You watch me faze my every move and say 'Darling,I adore you'
And I can't help falling in love with you...

I smile all day
I smile when you are not there
I smile when you look at me
I smile always
So this is how it feels falling in love with you....

Best friends Conversation 2

"You said no to marry me. How dare you?" she clobbered him in a corner.

"What?"  he almost screamed "Marry You?".

"Your parents came to my house, asked  my hand to my folks. They said they will break off your current engagement because they know their son will be happy with me. So everything goes so smoothly, the engagement date is fixed. All the arrangements done. Suddenly you come to me and you say 'I don't love you. I won't be able to love you and that I want to call off this engagement. How dare you?" she yelled.

"And when did all this happen?" he asked her politely.

"Well in my dreams" she replied. " But how dare you say no to me even if its in my dream?" she made her sad little face.

He laughed so hard.

"You are insane. I will never do that. I will be the most happiest person if we get engaged." he said getting her close in his arms."I love you too much to ever say no to you."

"Yeah, I know that. Sad you are getting married to someone else though. We could have been a perfect couple ." she brushed his hair.

"Hey how about an extra marital affair? We can always do that" he asked her.

She laughed. "Your wife better like me. You know how it is with the girls and me especially when they are my best friend's girl friend.. There is a big history of they ending up not liking me."

"Oh, she has too." he said.

"We will see about that. You guys all change. You obey their orders like under some evil spell" she said.

"Hey i have known you for more than ten years. You have been there when were in junior college playing truth or dare, when i broke up with a wicked witch, was jobless. You spent hours talking to me when i had nothing to do just to give me company. You were always there. So if she can't understand this, she my dear won't understand me" he said.

"Not as much as you were. What would i have done without you in these last two horrible years? I owe you so much" she said. "As long as she doesn't eat your head am okay."

"I love you" he said.

"I love you too. Just let me get married first please." she said

"I will try. That fellow who ever he will be has to undergo a lot of surveillance. He better watch out" he said.

"Just don't scare him off. I wanna get married some day." she laughed.

Night O Night Fade Away

I can't complain... I can't breathe.. I can't smile.. I can't live.. And yet i go on.. Walking on a pathless way.. Walking on a love tomb.. She Thought .... With this dark night comes in our good memories and they shadow my smile to wish we never had met.....She Thought . She buries her Head in the pillow 
and cries the night 
hoping it would smother her 
by accident Cold weary night it is.. she thought As cold as his promises.. She Thought...
She looks out the window.. There are dead soles wishing for life..  
and the living souls are 
breathing as the dead.... She Thought She couldn't hold his thoughts away.. 
How can a planned lifetime be forgotten in days... She Thought Move on they tell her.. 
She laughs.. 
Be at my place..hold my pain See how it feels.. She Thought.. This night o night fade away.. I sleep with no love..  
I wake up with no life.. She Thought

A Conversation In Shayari

He said "Gawah hai ye aasman,
              Gawah hai ye hawa,
              Kisiko na chaha kabhi tumhare siwa,
              Kyun hai phir ye tanhaiyan?"

I said   "Tanhai na duriyo se aati hai,
             Tanhai na nazdikiyo se jaati hai.
             Kuch log pyar hi aise karte hai,
             Woh paas aye toh bhi tanha hote hai..
             Woh dur jaaye toh bhi tanha hote hai...."

He said "Beautiful"

I said "Aap copy paste karte hai, hum dilse originals likhte hai."

Romantic Rendezvous

"Its so green out" he said
"Let me make you a cup of tea" said I.
He held my hand and pulled me close
Dare you step away from me he cried.

So i sat there cuddled up in his arms
and we watched the clouds shedding by.
We looked at two birds hiding in the tree
"Aren't We the same my Love" he spieled.

He smelled my hair,
He kissed my cheeks,
Gently Oh so gently! he reached my lips,
He locked them with mine so soft and brief.

We stared at the sky and falling drops
and we made boats and ran them down the streams.
He made me take a walk in rain
I felt this is a deceptive dream.

I let him love me the way he wanted
I never questioned his silliness the day
A romantic unexpected rendezvous it was
Clasped in his arms i walked the rains.

Falling in Love All Over Again.

I saw her with a smile so mesmerizing and pure. She said "I am happy. He is perfect." It was her mehndi and i was her best friend. So obviously i had to be around. We were friends for almost ten years now and in this span our friendship had undergone a lots of ups and downs. There were time when we didn't speak for months but then there were times when no matter what differences we had, we always landed up comforting each other in our own downs.
               I was seeing her as a bride today, a beautiful happy bride. It was an arrange marriage. Arrange! this word scares the hell out of me. We both had a screw up relationship almost at the same time. Both our partners had bailed out of fear of commitment and later it all fell apart. And yet today i saw her this happy, recovered and healed. I was confused. May be my bruises were yet too fresh, unhealed and hurting. So making sure no one was around i asked her "How does this feel?" She smiled and said "Worth every tear i shed." "Am scared to take this leap" I said to her. "Its alright" I know this situation she said "But dear you will find someone so great that you will be forced to fall in Love all over again".
               My mind instantly had countless thoughts. That was me always thinking. I didn't know how to take that leap of faith. I knew I had been badly bruised to trust anyone anymore . If a person i had known for half a decade could so easily walk out on me I couldn't understand how would i expect a person i met a few months back to stay forever. And i pushed myself through a series of torturous thoughts. Does a forever exist? Can love still be unconditional? Even if it can be, Can I still find a person who can sweep me over my feet and win over a broken heart who has lost so much of faith in magical love stories?
               I have lost too much i thought. I have lost hope, belief and faith on the saying 'Someone out there is made just for you'. Because when it comes to relationships people manipulate, condition it and apply rules. May be I have become too skeptical, too practical and too emotionally unavailable i thought. I looked at her so back in love again. I was genuinely happy for her and in a way proud too . It takes a lot of efforts to feel this all over again or may be she found her perfect guy who made it all so easy for her. I laughed at myself for being so naive, for being so me. I am too messed up i thought and i said to myself  'Good luck to the guy who tries to lure this heart back into believing Love can exist unconditionally'.

Her One Mistake

He said she was the best thing that happened to him, she was a great girlfriend and that she would be an amazing wife. He said the only reason he survived his past five years was because of her and that the only time God was fair to him was when he brought her in his life. He said he missed her on their anniversary and that he wanted to call but he couldn't do get himself to dial her number. He said a lot of things and still in the end he said he had to go with his family and his career.
                      She sat there feeling like a fool. She listened so quietly to everything he said. She so wanted to yell. She was so angry. She wanted him to know the load of pain he was making her go through and how much of her he had already destroyed. She wanted to say a lot of things, yell, curse and pour out all the anger she had silenced in her but she couldn't. Instead she just listened to all his excuses, all his good words and his jokes and all she could think of is how much she missed him. How much important he was for her and yet even after so much drama she thought of him every passing second. The time when he said 'Sorry' and hung up the phone she sat alone in front of the mirror thinking she had been such a fool. He knew it all along. He played her all along and she realized it so very late. She thought of all those good times, every single one of them and then she thought 'Was that all drama? Pointless emotions who later were gonna choke her every breath'. She looked at herself and she looked at those countless tears trickling down her cheeks and she felt her heart being squeezed, being smothered. He was so alright. Even when he was speaking to her she realized he had already accepted that she wasn't a part of his life anymore and so gently he had planned the whole conversation. And with so many kind words he swiftly pulled her out of his life. She felt so much of a fool. He said to her please remember our good times too and she laughed at that sentence in her head. The good times she thought. She must have been hallucinating, thinking this was it. He was it.
                  She found herself on the ground, lying with the phone next to her. She wished she could just lie like this forever. She felt everything, everyone moving with so much pace and that she was stuck, not knowing where to go, whom to trust, how to move on. She felt so alone. If she was so good she thought then why didn't he fight for her? Why was it so easy for him to move on and why was she only the one feeling empty inside?
                 She was lost. Lost in a world where love didn't matter, no matter how good you be, goodness didn't matter. He left and she was broken in half. One half reminding her how well he played her all way through and other half reminding her that she had to live with this betrayal and regret that she had chosen him for the rest of her life.

Getting Over!

"In the back seat of his car" she said to her friend. "I can't believe this. I can't believe myself. When did i become this shallow and messed up?" she couldn't stop rambling.
Her friend started laughing. "Car ! Backseat!" she almost yelled. "Whoa!".
"Stop it. Listen to me." she said to her friend. "Its been just three months. Three months from this break up of a long relationship. And look at me." Her voice almost sounded choked.
 "I am listening to you. I am. I have seen you through that relationship. I have seen you spending lonely nights. I have seen you crying almost everyday. I have seen how hard he had made the entire past year for you. And now if you can breathe free, you can be out there and feel good, please do. You owe it yourself" her friend made her point.
" I wasn't like this. I wasn't this person i have become" she still couldn't get the hold of herself.
"As long as you aren't playing with anybody's emotions honey. You are alright." her friend continued. I don't want you miserable and sad. Whatever helps in getting you over him and back to life, am fine with it. Am here to just make sure you don't get yourself into any trouble. Till then just have fun. So tell me, tell me what happened in the back seat? I am dying to know."
She laughed. "We kissed" she said.
"And?" her friend almost so curious.
"And nothing. We just kissed." she replied.
"How did it all start?" her friend asked.
"Well i should thank the movie we went to see. We got to holding hands and you know the stuff." she said.
"Oh, the stuff! Right! and then? her friend asked.
"And then one thing let to another. Before i knew we were kissing in his car." she almost blushed narrating this.
"So how was the kiss?" her friend asked.
"Long, long and french." she exhaled a deep puff of air as she remembered the damp closed car with raindrops on the window panes. "Just amazing. I had forgotten what it was to get butterflies in the stomach. And now i don't seem to remember why!".

A Conversation That Cut Through

Me: I am lonely.

My Friend: I am there right.

Me: I know

My friend: Why lonely suddenly?

Me: You know why.

My friend: Even when he was with you, was he ever there for you?

I said nothing.

Strange And Unusual !!

" I need to be in your arms" I said to him. "I need to breakdown and cry this night."
He looked at me. He kissed my forehead and he said "Honey come into my arms but not to cry. Whats the point if you cry in my arms too. When you lie here with me, i want you to smile."
                  I just laid there comfortably rolled in those perfect arms clenched perfectly around me, listening to those perfect heartbeats. I looked at him and looked into his eyes, his mesmerizing possessive black eyes staring down at me. I asked "What?". He said nothing, kissed my forehead and held me more tight. I loved to lay in his arms like this. I could be anything anyone in front of him and i knew i wouldn't be questioned or judged.  He was my greatest comfort zone. He would listen to me whine, tolerate me cranky. He would say the sweetest softest and the most romantic words when i'd wanna hear. I wondered what was this unshakeable bond, this free happy attachment to him. I lay there thinking held in his arms so close so comfortable. I noticed he was still staring down at me. I asked him again "What?" He had that stupefying enchanting smile of his. All he said was "Forget him". I still had an ocean of tears hoarded. I still had to explain him the pain i was in. But it seemed he already knew. He was there watching me all along all these years.
              The lights went dim and in the darkness i felt his hands brushing my hair. He kissed my forehead again. A bit longer this time and he said "The pain will pass off. And I am here ." "Is this normal?" I asked myself. But i didn't care. I was happily cuddled up in his arms, protected from the pain. After what seemed a million years finally I slept at peace listening to the soft beats of my best friend.





             

Happy Pictures

She glanced at those pictures
in whom she couldn't hide her smile
thought she of those moments
so happy they seemed all while..

She couldn't help but wonder
What made them drift so apart
Why did they let the distance
ruin their hearts in two parts..

She never understood
how could he be so okay
She never understood
why he never called her back..

It hurt day in and day out
His words, his actions
and everyday she woke up in despair
She cried a million tears
It wasn't at all fair...

Of all the people she thought would leave
She believed he would stay,
Of all the people she thought mattered less
he mattered more than life..
He was her pride, and he was her smile
and now he betrayed her existence..

She glanced at those happy pictures
her heart ached to death..
Give me a way she said to him
Give me a way to forget you
Give me a way to ease this pain.
If ever we cross a path
Don't you stop and say "Love me again".

Marriage Material..

He was the one guy who in midst of all her doubts gave answers that made her smile. She didn't know how much element of truth it had in it. But it lightened up her mood, made her focus and pulled her out of her misery. He was that one friend she really loved and was glad to have him a part of her life.
                  The day had been tough on her and all that past of hers took a toll on her thoughts. She felt this burden as if she was the one at fault every time. She knew this fall out wasn't her fault. But it seemed to happen quite frequent to her despite all the efforts she put. Somewhere it made her doubt herself. She sent him a text out of blue.

She asked "Am i marriage material?".
"Why this question? and what the hell is marriage material. You are human. Not a material." he texts back.
"Just asking" she said.
He seemed angry. "Idiot. Sitting idle and thinking all crap. That brain of yours." he replied.
"Calm down. Just thoughts hovering over my head. Was wondering if i'd keep him happy cause as of now my life has history of fall outs i don't seem to understand." she replied with a heavy heart.
"You keep everyone happy" he replied. "Even now. So after marriage it will be the same thing. You are a good person sweets. You can't hurt anyone".
She smiled. "I love you so much" she said.
"I was just typing the same words. Love you too my dear". He replied. "Only if wasn't for these circumstances i would have married you myself. Never would have given anyone else a chance."
"I know" she said. "I wish" she said.

Its Like Love But Not Love

Its like love but its not love
When i be in his arms and
i think about you...

Its like love but its not love..
When he makes me smile
but you could make me laugh...

Its like love but its not love
When he kisses me gently and
all could think about is your lips..

Its like love but not love
When he flirts around
but only your words caught my ears..

Its like love but not love
When he makes me angry and i forgive
but at you i could yell...

Its like love but not love
When he holds me in his arms
but only in yours i felt complete...

Its like love but not love
When he is around always
and all i can do is not miss you less..

Its like love but not love
When he plays me a song
and i remember the one we hummed together..

Its like love but not love
When he holds the umbrella for me
and i think about the times i didn't need one with you..

Its like love but not love
When he cuddles me in the moonlight
and i hope its you holding me instead..

Its like love but not love..
cause i can't love anymore...
cause love is so many things
and for me you were all of them!

Rusty Petals (Haiku)

I Am So Out Of Joy.....

Even A Withered Flower

Seems To Have More Life.....

Tears For Every Emotion!

She climbed those stairs, opened the door to her room, took a deep breath turned around and locked the door from inside. The stared at the empty room the haunting silence. She just stood for a long time not knowing which emotion she should drown into. She was sad, helpless, lonely, miserable, betrayed, abandoned and angry.
              It could have been their fifth anniversary she thought. Only if he had the guts to commit. One tear rolled down of sadness. She sat with her back against the door. How could he not care at all she thought. How could he be so okay about this situation. Second tear rolled out of helplessness. She might have be celebrating since midnight she thought. He would have explained why he loved her so much and she would have said he meant her her world. One tear rolled out of loneliness. It would have been his arms she would be wrapped in she thought. Instead she kissed this friend of hers and curled into his embrace just for the sake of it. She hated herself. She was hating this person she was turning into. Nothing filled the void. No kiss, no shoulder, no clasp or cuddle made her feel complete. Another tear rolled of her misery. He had promised her a future together. He had said no matter what the circumstances he would stay. He showed her those content dreams to later just leave then broken. One tear fell for the betrayal. He left giving all the filthy excuses. He left. One more tear rolled down for his abandonment. She processed all the mistakes his and hers a million times. She tried to justify his behavior with all possible explanation. All in vain. He left her so much of pain. He left her so much of humiliation. He left her and she cannot walk tall now. So the last tear was of anger. He will suffer she thought. He will have everything but love, all fame but support. He will never know true love in his life and from whom he will expect a commitment shall never stay. She hated she cursed him. But that was okay she just didn't wish him well thereafter. The last tear was of realization. The anniversary, the beginning itself had marked the end now. She has to live with this for life time. She wished he lives with same pain for eternity.

His Ways Ruined Her!

He Was Unemployed.
Thought He, She'd Have A Better Life Without Him.
She Suffered, "There is no Life to her Life without him."

He pushed her away.
Thought he "His being will get her unhappiness."
She suffered, " His absence every step can never get her to smile again."

He pretended he didn't care.
Thought He "It will make her hate his guts."
She Suffered, "If Only He would have ended this in a Better way."

He left at a sudden.
He ruined her beliefs for a lifetime.
She Suffered in His Silence.

I Sailed Through!

With the breaks and turn off's
With the disappointments and the run off's
With the lifeless moments and endless pain
Finally today i call myself free

I stand on this brighter side
I stand on this achievers club
I stand on this golden edge
I stand on this mellow hub.

Struggling for love and struggling for life
making all last; you and my career
when you bailed every turn you got
and tried every way to keep you in life.

But you left alright no matter what
you left when i needed you the most
You said 'I am more worried about me than you"
and you said "You don't care how i fare"

So i fought for myself alone
carrying your pain and your hurtful words
I sailed success through and through
and i sailed to make my dreams come true.
I saw you alone and disappointed.
I saw you failing, eventually defeated.

I still at times want to share my joy with you
I still at times want to be there for you
But you couldn't be with me in my bad days
So You have no rights to be in my good ones either.

Awwwww

I entered the room
and saw him waiting. 
He caught me
in those arms to hug me tight
I said the weather is hot and am sweaty. 
He pretended he didn't listen
He pretended to ignore
He held me more close and he got my lips
He kissed as if he had waited for ages
He kissed as if i meant him his world.

I lay there in his arms
I lay there in peace
I lay there watching him sleep
and every other moment when he caught me awake
he held me more close and said baby fall asleep.

He said I promised her a life.

He said 'I have to be with her.
If i don't go, she might not
keep faith in anyone again'.

He said 'I need to hold her hand
If i don't, she might make herself so strong
to not let anyone be close again'.

He said 'I made her fall in love with me.
If i undid that, she won't
believe in fairy tales having a forever'.

He said 'I need to stand by her.
If today i back out, she won't
even look at me not today not ever'.

He said 'I know she can make it on her own.
I know she is that strong.
but i want to be there to catch if she falls.

He said 'I promised her a Life.
I promised her Me.
If i don't stay when she needs me the most
Tell me, What kind of  a Man i be?

I Can't Define Us

She says 'I am not talking to you. I wasn't going to. I hate me.'

He says 'Its better you hate yourself and love me.'

She says 'I don't love anyone'.

He says 'Make me an exception'.

She says 'You make me love you and then you forget you made me love you. And then again you become this person who makes me love you again. So you are there and then you aren't and then you are there again'.

He says 'I was, I am and i will always be there.'

She says 'Its been long time we spoke. Anything new with you.'

He says 'All old. Missed you a lot.'

She asks 'What are we? Together how do we define us.'

He says 'We can't, even you know that. Just trust me when i say I love you and i am there for you. I love you'.

She says 'Don't say you love me. You say it now and then again you forget to say it.'

He says 'Okay. I love you'.

Broken And Bruised!!

Broken, bruised and wounded,
I stare at those closed walls.
I scream to get help
but I get none at all.

I cry in silence
and I cry out loud
Nothing seems to end this pain
No one seems to hear my shout.

I confide in the wrong
Get hurt over and over again
Nothing to soothe the aching heart
No one to ease my pain.

I look at my wrist
And i look at the knife
And i think won't it be easy to end it all
Yet i can't, I got to stand up
I got to win this fight i lost.



 .

Choose Your Friends Carefully

"You are not helping. You are not helping" she yelled " You are my best friend and you are not helping." She walked around talking small footsteps, crying, wiping those tears, breathing in and crying again. She looked at him sitting quietly. She went near him and pulled away. "You. You of all the people in the world, you had to be such an ass. I have the world comforting me and you i don't find around". "I have my own problems" he replied.

          The anger just reached her head. She went red wondering what to say to this heartless friend of her's. "Yeah right, she not talking to you, she not licking your ass is your problem. She making you dance on your toes is your problem and Of course your family not supporting your love is a problem, which is not even a problem since they don't even know about it yet. Here I am alone. Broken up, left at the altar. Close to having a happy ending and then it being ripped off, shattered to pieces still listening to you complaining about your messed up life which by the way isn't messed up. You decide to give me a cold shoulder. You are my best friend. Do you know what that means. It means i rely on you for comfort, i rely that you will be available when i need you. So please think back and analyse were you there?.  When i was in pain were you there to comfort me? Did you call up once to just talk, anything. You were present few days and invisible later. Of all the people, you knew how much i depended on you and still you couldn't come out of your fake sadness and be there. I listened to everyone's problems when i didn't want to including you and you didn't notice how very difficult it was. So i loose my love and my best friend in an instant. It makes me sad that i trust wrong people. You were my best friend and now you are nothing but a big disappointment."

      

Be a Friend!!

You matter cause i let you
You talk cause i listen
You call cause i pick up
You care cause i make you.

So loving me is not a responsibility
And being there is not an obligation
Making me feel i am the one in need
is not what i had asked for

The deal was to be more than friends.
The deal was to just be present.
No questioning, no doubts,
no disappearing, no resent.

I don't love you.
I don't ask for commitment.
I don't want you to be the mistake.
Be a friend,
To be one stand up when it takes!!

Heart Of Gold

Your heart is pure gold.
It denies the existence
and finds peace in the dreams.
It cares with no beyond
to measures impossible that seems.
It loves with flawless emotions
like no one else can love other.
It survives the storm with a smile
every single one the life offers.

And yet he doesn't get
what a pure heart you have.
And yet he stabs it every time,
with a laugh you accept it all.
You don't seem to see the one
who wants the heart of Gold
Look here, Look at me
Love me,
Love the one who wants
the heart forever to Hold.

I Care Even If You Don't

I sit and i think what exactly happened to us? When and how did we drift so much apart? Where did the love disappear? I wonder a lot of things. I sit hours thinking what went wrong and i can't come to an explanation. I try and go through our mistakes, yours and mine together to blame our failure on either one of us but i can't. I just simply can't so i keep thinking.
                    Believe me i don't want to. I don't want to be this person who doesn't notice anything going around her. I don't want to be the person who despite having best of people around her ends up feeling alone just cause you moved away. I don't want to be this miserable. You know what i want to be, i want to be someone who believes in love, who believes good things can happen, who believes that every true love can have their Knight in shining armor. But you, your absence takes every thing away from me and you make me miserable. You make me believe that dreams don't come true. You make me believe that everything has to end no matter how pure or genuine it may be. You make me believe in defeat and sadly i have become that person. I have lost and i have nothing to look forward to. I have become that ordinary girl with a broken heart.
               I believed in you. I still do and i know you are destined to do great things. You don't realize your potential but i do. So when you decided to quit on me i didn't fight back. I didn't say anything. If i was  remotely the reason for your unhappiness i would step aside and i did. I stepped aside. Because that is how much i love you. I don't know if what you played was a game or if wasn't so real to you but for me you were everything, literally everything. Out of everyone i think we had a shot cause i believed in us and despite me trying to hold on to you so much,you let go. I believed in us and now my whole belief system is shaken to the extent i don't trust my decisions any more. So now when you forced me to live without you, i am doing it. I am surviving through it. There are times i want to call you and yell and get the frustration out on you, i have done this in the past i agree but not this time. This time i choose to be quiet cause yelling and being angry hurts more when you don't get the whole point of me being paranoid. I was just afraid to loose you and now am not. Now i think i can be alright. With time i will be alright.
              There are moments when i miss you. I miss our talks a lot.So every time when i see you online, liked somebody's post, commented on something, i know you are alive and hope you are doing fine. Alive is okay for me. I can be okay with just your presence some where. So be okay, safe and be happy. I will get through this i know. The thing is don't come back wanting me when i have moved on. I can't see you hurt and in pain. I wouldn't ever want me to be the reason for your tears not today not tomorrow.  

A Romantic encounter

She didn't sleep that night. She was too excited, too happy with hundreds of thoughts racing her mind. Her heart never thumped this loud and her stomach didn't seem to have so many butterflies before. He had captured her mind, nothing could shake off the nerves she got in his presence. He texted "Just twelve hours baby. Sleep well."
          It was a four hours journey to his place. She lied to world about her whereabouts. No one had to know. It was not supposed to be jinxed. She reached his place and knocked his door. He opened the door "Quick, get in. Before the neighbors see you here." She hurried in. He stood there chatting her up with the usual routine. She removed her sweater. She brushed her hair and he came close. His face right up to hers. His nose rubbing hers. He gave her that look, the look where he knew he possessed her, he knew that every inch of her heart echoed his name. She loved that look, she didn't have to prove him how much she loved him. He picked her up and pushed her against the wall. He gently tapped his lips on hers. He then went deep in her throat, caught her hand held it tight and pushed her to the wall more. She could barely breathe. Her thoughts disappeared. Her legs weekend. She completely leaned on him for more.  He stopped on a sudden, stared at her for two seconds,kissed her on her forehead. "Wasn't this your idea of a perfect kiss?" he asked. In too much of a high she just nodded. "I will make you a cup of coffee. You have the softest lips." he said and left. She stood there leaning on the wall trying to memorize the entire kiss as it happened. So perfect she still could feel him even moments after it was over.

He Isn't around

She puts no efforts

To look her best.

He isn't around to say 'Hey beautiful '!

If You Can't let Me Go

If you still think of me
even after hundred efforts to drive me out,
If you accept you misbehaved
and may be one apology mite get it sort,
If that heart of yours looses the rhythm
when someone takes my name,
If You know where to to find me,
If You know without me
that life of yours makes no sense.

If you can't stop missing me
and no one else can light up your face,
If my voice still rings those cords of love,
If you think one phone call can get me back to you,
If you think you still have to give me a hard time,
If your mind still
can't let go off my smile.

If you are trying to move on
and something pulls you back again,
If you try hard not to bother
and all attempts end in vain,
If you are tired of the battles
you fought to keep me out,
If you know you are a liar,
If you know i can still love you any way,
then take a stand and call me back
and say 'you are sorry'
Make a fight to get me besides you
and say ' give me your worries'

Once take our fight in your hands
and say that you need me
If you ever have a heart to come back
run,yell and shout to make me forgive.
Just for once stand up for me
Just for once don't let me stand alone..

She never seemed Sad

She wore the broadest smile
Mesmerizing like morning sunshine.
She glowed in the darkest rooms
Beauty like night twilight.
She never  seemed sad
And they said she had a heart of stone.

She fought her pain
with silent tears.
She lived and laughed
to get through the day.
She never seemed sad
And they Said she had a heart of stone.

Her friends gossiped
How could she be so fine.
They said may be she didn't
Feel at all.
She never seemed sad
And they said she had a heart of stone.

None saw the pain she hid
With her smile.
None saw the pillow wet every night.
None saw the turmoil
Burning up her soul.
None saw the silent tears
She wiped in the dark alone.
She never seemed sad
And they said she had a heart of stone.

You Have No Rights

He played with my hair.
I stopped him and said
'Go away
you have no rights'.

He swayed my skirt off high.
I stopped him and said
'Leave me alone
you have no rights'.

He gently placed his lips on mine
to make my wet tongue dry.
I pushed him back and said
'You lost me
you have no rights'.

He wrapped me in his arms
to freeze my every nerve.
I cut loose his cold hold
said 'Back off
you have no rights'.

He stood still and calm,
He looked with a craving eye.
I said 'Leave alone a suffering heart.
Oh Wind !! don't play.
You sense the cold and faded,
Let this lonely heart just wither away'!!!

Expectations Drown you, Choices Hold You Up

She sat down after a long long day of talking to people, greeting them with smile and reciprocating all they needed to hear. She had this in her, the art to know what the person in front of her wants and living up to their expectations. She loved the fact she could easily make someone's day and the fact that people leaned on her for so many things. What she didn't expect is the same quality of hers would leave her vulnerable,heart broken and bitter. She forgot where the good line ends and the bad begins.
                She lit up her room with candles,poured herself a glass of wine and she stared at the phone. Everyone had wished, family and friends even people who hardly ever were a matter of concern. Everything was right except his call. He hadn't called on the day he knew meant so much to her and when he did it was too late. She questioned herself why she let it even matter to her. He wasn't suppose to be this influencing. His concern, his being present or absent was never a part of the deal. Nothing was exclusive, still why did one call of his matter so much. She heard his explanation. She heard he was tired, so busy he couldn't find sixty seconds of peace to make a call. She accepted every fact of it and chose to believe it but then she also made  one final quote. She said to him  "Don't say you love me and then treat me as crap. If you can't handle it you may as well leave. I lived before i met you,i lived when i was with you, certainly i can live without you. It's a simple choice".  

A Conversation 4

He said ' Its the distances isn't it?' 
I said 'No honey, Its the desire to be around you always'

He said ' I have let you down a million times'.
I said ' the zillion other moments of your love covered it up'.

He said 'You can always find someone else'.
I said ' Being with someone else has made me realize i cannot be with anyone else'.

He said ' I love you more than you love me'.
I said 'I agree.You test so much of my patience.I deserve to be loved more.'

He said ' What makes you not quit on me'
I said ' because there were moments you held on when i planned to leave'.

Not once I said Be Mine

Not once i looked back on him
Not once i tried to know how he'd be doing
Not once i wished him a last good bye
Not once i gave him a thoughtful smile...

Not once did i try to hear him out
Not once did i let out my anger and shout
Not once i said 'stay i need you now'
Not once i confessed i loved him somehow.

Not once did i reply his mail
Not once did i explain my hurting tale
Not once i held on to those tears
Not once i confronted him with my fears.

I let him go
I helped him disappear
I watched him be someone else's shine
and i stood by holding on to my aching heart
to fault over someone who from
beginning was never mine...

Close to Him

I can die underneath the  darkness, 

wrapped in your arms ..

just to live close to your heart beats....

Okay!!

There was a time when i asked
"Is it alright if we get some distance between us"
and you replied
"Baby stay close and be mine forever."

Today when i asked
"Is it alright if we get some distance between us"
You reply "Only if you feel okay".
I stared at the 'Okay' for hours
wondering 'How can i ever be 'Okay' now'?

A Twitter Conversation.

He: *Takes out his sword and golden armor and walks by the side of the lady in hope that she notices him* but

Me: but?

He:  I have written half of the story, rest has to be completed by you.

Me:  She knowingly looks away. He is brave yet not her love and she doesn't want him to hope and hurt!

He:  He loses the battle of love yet again but the war is not over and nor his love for her.

Me: Her worst fear is he won't quit and she doesn't want him to try!

He:  He never tries, as to try one need to do effort. It is the destiny which has tied him to her, he can't help.

Me:   Its 'his' destiny tied to 'hers' , but in reality 'her's' was already destined for another soul

He:  Both souls move on their destiny, the paths coincide for a moment but memory stays for life time.

Me:  The memory is what she doesn't want to keep, it will be better she thought if their destinies never collided, not even for a moment.

He:  Destiny is no decided by lessor soul like you or me, but its the moment which destiny surfaces are decided by us.Love-Hatred

Sour lines!

It seems he used her for her charms
and he left her with an aching heart
she didn't say a word,
cause partly it was her fault,
she let him in,
she opened a broken heart to a broken person
to realize it wasn't meant to be healed
but damaged further.
She laughed as tears rolled down
and she said ‘I deserve the pain,
not because I lost my love
but love made me loose a friend’.

  

I will Miss my Valentine

I wait for your call
talk till the time you say ' i need to sleep'.

I ask if i can help
when even in brief distress you be.
I wake up in the middle of night
to listen the complaints if you can't dream.
I laugh even on your saddest joke
so a smile on your face i see.

I take your moods & I take your anger,
I hold you close and say 'I am here'.
I adjust my schedule when
you ask me to be there.
I know exactly how to take your care.

I love you with bits and pieces
of my heart,
so much that my day starts with your thoughts
and ends by missing not being besides you.
If i could just cut the distance
you could see how much you mean to me
and how silently i shed my tears
as its Valentines and nowhere near are you to me!

A Fight

We had a fight

He yelled ' I don't Get you ever'

and I replied ' I am not yours to Get'

Stolen Kisses!

I did love those stolen kisses

cause with them you did steal my heart

and now it parts in two

one loves the past him
and other loves the present you!

As i count on the moments

As i count on the moments
waiting to get us close
i stop and wonder how should i react?
should i run to you and hold you tight in my arms?
should i just stand there and cry out my heart?
should i pretend to be angry and not talk?
or should i just stand numb and wait for your response?

As i count on the moments
waiting to get us close
i stop and wonder what should i say?
should i say i have missed you to extent you can't imagine?
should i say i love you like no one ever will?
should i ask why you kept me waiting so long?
should i ask will you go away again to break me all along?

As i count on the moments
waiting to get us close
i stop and wonder
is there a way i can stop you from not going back?
is there a way i can keep you all for myself?
is there a way i can be all yours with no fear?
is there a way i can be in your arms not worrying
you'd say i gotta leave in some time dear?

As i count on the moments
waiting to get us close
i stop and wonder is all this pain worth the love?
may be you will tell me..
may be we can talk it through..
may be i will know when you'll say 'baby,i missed you too'.
may be i will know because all i need now is to see you!

You Get Me To Smile!

I stood on the edge ready to breakdown..

instead you pulled me back..

and we laughed together 'at life'....

The Hardest Goodbye

He could not believe he was actually gonna do this. He got up from his couch. It was his last chance to see her he thought. He had been a jerk enough till now. Somehow for the last time he wanted to make her believe he did care.
                    He bought her flowers. There was no time to choose a gift. He arrived to the place she told she'd be. He entered and saw her standing. She looked beautiful. He stood far away looking at her smile not knowing how to approach her. He stood in the line waiting for his turn and finally he was in front of her. Her smile disappeared. "Good luck" he wished and he handed over the flowers. "Thank you" she replied and shook hands "He is my friend from college" she introduced him to her spouse.
                    The girl who ran to hug him as soon as she saw him, today greeted with a handshake. 'A friend' she called him when once he was all she lived for. She looked at him as he got down from the stage thinking how would it be to have him standing here besides her instead of this stranger. But the destiny was set. He looked back at her smiling and waved a bye. She just gave a nod. His heart aching and hers ruined beyond repair.

A Moment It took!

She gulped down a glass of wine
and he smiled with a lot of affection,
mesmerized by the peace she carried
mesmerized by her passion..

and he couldn't help but get close
to the face with an appealing smile,
yet he feared she might push him away
to the extreme if the same was not on her mind.

He held her hand and asked her a dance
and he swayed her flower bending breeze.
He held her tight by her waist and looked eyes deep.
Neither realized what happened next
for the lips did all their talking,
Serene and calm,deep and warm
a moment it took to make her His!!