I Care Even If You Don't

I sit and i think what exactly happened to us? When and how did we drift so much apart? Where did the love disappear? I wonder a lot of things. I sit hours thinking what went wrong and i can't come to an explanation. I try and go through our mistakes, yours and mine together to blame our failure on either one of us but i can't. I just simply can't so i keep thinking.
                    Believe me i don't want to. I don't want to be this person who doesn't notice anything going around her. I don't want to be the person who despite having best of people around her ends up feeling alone just cause you moved away. I don't want to be this miserable. You know what i want to be, i want to be someone who believes in love, who believes good things can happen, who believes that every true love can have their Knight in shining armor. But you, your absence takes every thing away from me and you make me miserable. You make me believe that dreams don't come true. You make me believe that everything has to end no matter how pure or genuine it may be. You make me believe in defeat and sadly i have become that person. I have lost and i have nothing to look forward to. I have become that ordinary girl with a broken heart.
               I believed in you. I still do and i know you are destined to do great things. You don't realize your potential but i do. So when you decided to quit on me i didn't fight back. I didn't say anything. If i was  remotely the reason for your unhappiness i would step aside and i did. I stepped aside. Because that is how much i love you. I don't know if what you played was a game or if wasn't so real to you but for me you were everything, literally everything. Out of everyone i think we had a shot cause i believed in us and despite me trying to hold on to you so much,you let go. I believed in us and now my whole belief system is shaken to the extent i don't trust my decisions any more. So now when you forced me to live without you, i am doing it. I am surviving through it. There are times i want to call you and yell and get the frustration out on you, i have done this in the past i agree but not this time. This time i choose to be quiet cause yelling and being angry hurts more when you don't get the whole point of me being paranoid. I was just afraid to loose you and now am not. Now i think i can be alright. With time i will be alright.
              There are moments when i miss you. I miss our talks a lot.So every time when i see you online, liked somebody's post, commented on something, i know you are alive and hope you are doing fine. Alive is okay for me. I can be okay with just your presence some where. So be okay, safe and be happy. I will get through this i know. The thing is don't come back wanting me when i have moved on. I can't see you hurt and in pain. I wouldn't ever want me to be the reason for your tears not today not tomorrow.