Old diaries

Some mistakes
And a few repent..
Quite some lives they change..
Come back to say sory..

but will few griefs it mend?
One forgets, forgives and moves on..
Yet they say after a long time I am still  hanging on..

My Game

I will always keep my guard up.
You'll never know
the truth behind all the words.
Traveled and yet stagnant,
Your fragrance I will always remember;
But won't confront till
I'd get over you.
It will always be you, though
I'll deny it a million times.
The guard has to be up,
That's my rule.
This game of words is mine love,
I can't let you win,
When you made me loose.

Wage A War

I feel you,
Presence carved into the deepest wall
Of my soul...
So as every try to love another
Goes in vain...
The tied and trapped
Lovers aren't we...
Lost like the treasures of great kings,
We lost each other; treasures in itself.
Be it your fault or mine..
In the end we wandered.
Exactly what the universe wanted..
We should have battled..
Waged a war with the imbecile universe..
How dare it'd attempt to bring this on one soul..
My soul..
Why did we let it get to us?

Should I change my name..
Or hide yours from everyone..
How can I?
Everytime I bleed, I still bleed you..
The darkness dwells and the cold moon
Teases every time I try and leave..
I am caught with you somewhere..
There is no freeing from this emotion..
One scratch on you ever..
I'd still destroy everything that breathes..

Lost aren't we to all..
There is nowhere to go now.
There is no in between.
Only till this soul leaves the bone and flesh..
You said we aren't together this lifetime,
But in all the others after, I'd be yours..
Take me love.. Take me to this other lifetime..
And this time tie your soul to mine...
So the universe knows there are no two..
Next lifetime I'd be waiting..
And dare you'd escape..
I didn't burn the world this time..
But I'd burn the universe then...

Damaged

The trivial emotions ransacked
With burden not so great.
I have seen people with bigger disasters.
There is no coming back home this year.

I'd pass the gates and glare through windows out the house.
Love I'd feel but no more.
Regardless of the attachment
Who'd thought I'd abandon my own.

Reckless, unforgiving and heartless
The bitch I can be.
Choosing between love and relationship.
Nothing prevails.
Only sins and forever guilts.
No matter the choice
The damage will be forever.
I'd be this unsettled soul
Forever asking for forgiveness.

Q & A

What's your biggest fear? He asked.
Encroachment, I said.
The fear that slowly someone will
take over my life and I will loose myself again.

What you resent the most? He asked.
Dependence, I said.
I resent the thought that I'd not be able to look after myself. Not financially dear. I meant emotionally.

What's your biggest regret? He asked .
Year's ago I didn't ask someone what exactly went wrong. Not that we'd be together. But to acknowledge the other side of this failed story.

What do you despise? He asked.
Attachment, I said.
Nothing good comes out of it. Every person for themselves. People are just companions for the journey called life.

What is your biggest asset? He asked.
Oh a few I have I said.
Perseverance, empathy and patience.
Perseverance cause I never give up. That comes when you believe you are not perfect, and you make mistakes and the fact that you still believe in yourself despite those mistakes.
Empathy as I know I have to give back to the world what it has given me.
Patience as nothing comes easily. Nor money, fame, success, relationships and neither mental peace.

What do you love? He asked.
Me, I said.