A Rose!!

                   Why a rose? Just like the twisted petals of a rose,love has its own twists. It tells a story,your story. May be because it reminds you of 'love' at the very moment.  Something someone you had,someone you want to have. It reminds you how you were first introduced to 'love'.
                       A rose always has a memory with it. The first proposal.,first date,college rose day,the innocent love you once believed to be true because he gifted you one every time you met and nothing can symbolize love more than a rose.A red rose.Red for passion,the irresistible desire to be with each other always,the promises promised for a forever.
                   
                   A rose stays forever just like love does. You will either get one for rest of your life or it will stay in those closed pages of your dairy like the closed chapters of your lost love locked up forever in your heart.
But the most painful part about it is,the moment you see a rose it reminds you not who truly loves you now but it reminds you of whom you truly loved once.

the blame game!!

Loving words will fall on page

when my heart feels your smile is true..

sad words will fill the lines

when it knows your smile is fake..

I can so well read your eyes..

i can so well know whats going on in your mind..

So if words don't come from me..

Tell me whose heart is to be blamed..

दिल के हर दर्द पार मरहम नही होता..

दिल के हर दर्द पार मरहम नही होता..

एक बार किया तो प्यार दोबारा नही होता..

आंखो में छुपी है तनहाई दूर तक..

काश दिल ने प्यार करना जाना नही होता..

इंतेझार में नझारे तो बिछायी थी हमने..

हर पल आपको पाने कि इल्तीजा तो कि थी हमने..

तो क्या अगर किसी और ने आपको पा लिया..

सांसे नाही रुकी जो आपकी याद में जलायी हमने..

सेहमिसी राहो पर काटो को चुना..

बहारो कि छाव में पतझड को गले लागाया..

छुपाया है हर एक से दर्द ये प्यार का..

काश तुम कभी समझ पाते हाल-ए-दिल का..

अरमान इतने क्यो ऐसे सजाये..

सपनो कि तरह वो भी छूट गये..

रोये ऐसे ये एक एक बिखरे जब..

चाह कर भी उन्हे फिर समेट ना पाये..

जगाये क्यो ये एहसास, जवाब दो..

थम  जाये ये तुफान कैसे, सलाह तो दो..

अकेले जीना मुश्कील नही है यहा
पर दो कदम साथ चलने के लिये कोई साथ तो दो..!!!!

A Forced 'Hi'

silent is the world
when you look for words..........

joy is in the sorrow
when the scar is of love....

life is gifted first with tears
smile is there,but deep are fears...

a time comes when
there is nothing to do
someone walks with silent steps
creeping through those healing wounds

every step ahead makes
the world more sad
with every tear you try and hide
your existence so faded seems more black

eyes learn to speak
even when emotions die......
and you are forced to greet
when you really want to say 'goodbye'....

a conversation: 3

she: am damn angry on you!!
he: now what did i do???
she: you never give me flowers,choclates,
       cards, no giant teddy, no candle light dinner.. nothing!!
       do you even love me??
he: hmmm.. okay, whats the first thing i do when i get up?/
she: call me!!
he: okay.. who almost calls up first when we have a fight??
she: you!!
he: okay.. who comes to pick you up or leave you when you go out of town??
she: you!!
he: hmm. have i ever slept without saying good night to you??
she: no!!
he: don't i cancel meeting my friends if you get time to meet,last minute??
she: you do!!
he: whose mom knows we are very good friends??
she: yours!!
he: have i ever hung up or not consoled when you are in a super cry mode??
she: no!!
he: do i put restrictions on you?? what to wear,whom to meet???
she: no!!
(a long pause)
she: i get it... you love me a lot more :)
he: and yet i have to explain every time!!!
she: no!! the thing is its just nice to hear the reasons every time!!!

forever in love with you!!!

if life meant eternity
i would hold on to you forever.....
no matter how and where it got us
i would stand by you forever.....

if life meant unbound joy
i would smile for you forever..
the ups don't matter nor the downs
i would take your tears forever....

if life meant hope
i would believe in you forever.....
let your dreams be however silly
i would trust them with you forever......

when you said you loved me
you promised a forever....
and i was scared cause i thought
to last that long; it mite never....

but you kept your love...
you kept your promises...
and you gave me my own fairy tale...
if i can love the slightest like you ever..
i'd love to love you forever.....

if time had no beginning
and time had no end...
and if infinity be insanely true..
i promise to walk down the endless,
'forever' just to be with you....

you taught me to love!!

in a thousand years today
i am short of words..
for they cant speak the
storm you bring in my world...

love  knows no boundaries
since you unleashed them all....
for you pushed me into a void
with no rise and fall..

i learned the sound of silence,
with you that's how it is....
i never knew love like now
it rhymes so pure within...

beyond my bounds
i was taught to love..
& beyond your bounds
you have loved me....

selfless with desire
romance and its fire
you freed me from
past and grief...

i owe you my smile
i owe you my strength...
i owe you all that's good in me..
divine the endless love you showered,
i owe the 'life' you got in me..








 

pushed me off the edge!!

winter got a cold sore on my heart
the burns were meant to heal
yet here they are as fresh as new
all thanks to you!!!!

the distances seem good
somehow they ease the ache...
no one had to confront
no one had to explain....

there are no proper goodbyes
i won't be able to give any..
the misery you have caused
indebted forever i will be...

you pushed me off the edge
but the bruises pained less
then the broken heart..
it was kind of you to
not respond back
or else what would force me to
take my own walk....

torn in two worlds!!!

she stood silent..  numb and lonely.. she pushed herself far from the crowd.. the ignorant crowd.. the soul less  people.. she always thought she'd fit in with them.. but they were too heartless to see her purity... her caring thoughts.. her selfless deeds..
               from the start she knew she was far too matured then her mates.. they all were too clingy to life's mess and she could always move on.. they used to curse if they were hurt and she used to pray for them .. her friends sorted for revenge and she forgiveness...
               she stood there confused... figuring out what was wrong... her good side or this world.. cause no matter how much she tried.. she ended up hurt and betrayed... it was the one of those defining moments.. where she didn't know where she belonged...to the ruthless people in whom she always tried to see the good or the world of saints who always told her to do what's right...
               she trusted cause she thought everyone needs to get a chance to show who they are.. she believed because she thought that way she could get hold of good people.. but in the quest of finding the good she lost herself to the turmoil of the right and wrong... the good and bad... she lost the power to believe.
            she looked at the hustle and bustle of the cars down street,people chatting  their way home.. and then she looked at the stars up.. calm and serene...  blinking for her as if she owned them... she felt the void... she felt divided into two worlds.. down there her existence seemed so worthless.. up here she waited to embrace her doubts cause she knew she could see beyond what existed... the truth beyond lies... the reasons behind life's every defining moments... she knew she had to wait to get the answers of life.. there was more to what she already knew... but it wasn't the time yet.. she wasn't ready.. the quest wasn't over...
           when she looked into herself her pain eased, her hurts healed... she had read a lot about spirituality.. but she wasn't sure whether what she was experiencing now was a part of it.. cut off from the noise she was at peace with everything.. what she felt seemed ecstatic.. a state of trance where emotions mattered less... the journey mattered more...
           she knew she was different.. born as a human but with an ability to seek good... for the people and for self.... yet the void was not completely gone.. and she still had her doubts... she still had to go back to the real world where she wasn't sure she belonged.. in a way she neither belonged to the common people nor the saints.. but someday,sooner or later she will have to take a decision.. she will have to make a choice between the two... the common people or the enlightened souls.... neither of which promises an easier journey.  

men!!

i wonder why the caption  "women are so difficult to understand"  such a frequently used popular phrase... i mean who said guys aren't? they are equally difficult to get..
                    they come with cute lovee dovee surprises first, make you fall in love and then take you for granted.. it makes us think a lot.. for example are they actually serious about us,are they goofing around or they just going with the flow.. we  never know.. and when you question them about their integrity, they have all the right excuses and cheesy dialogues to cover up their thoughts "just because i don't call you often doesn't mean i don't love you,it's not that i am in love with someone else". bamn!!! and that's exactly what makes us think you are with someone else.
                   they never get the small things, everything has to be explained. for them it's weird that we pay attention to little details... actually when they are dealing with their girlfriend, details shouldn't matter.. just once try and tell that to your wife later... tell her its ok that she can keep the house as messy as she wants or its alright if she forgets to put salt in your dish or she doesn't notice what your dearest mommy likes or dislikes!! guys we pay attention to details that's what makes your house look good when you come home after a tiring day!!
                 regarding emotions men are equally complex.. they don't understand how they feel, in case they know how they feel they don't know how to react, when they do react its absurd,when they realize its absurd they come and apologize..by the time they come its almost always too late... and then they start blaming themselves all over again.. and that's when the wasted and boozing phase comes... and they say women are complicated!!
                 their problem with us is that we think a lot.. and our problem with them is that they don't think at all!! and we do put up with lot's of your stuff too.. we understand the breakdown when your favourite team doesn't win, when your interview doesn't go good, when you want time with your friends alone, when your play station is not working and you are soaked in grief...
                the thing i want to say is that its not always we women who are complex and complicated.. you men are too.. but just in different ways.. the only difference is that we accept you with your faults... and not make a caption of your shortcomings and blame everything on it!!  

take me in your arms!!

undo my every emotion,take me in your arms
let me believe in peace, take in your arms
let the tears be wiped of the shirt you wear;
i have waited enough, just take me in your arms.....

hold me close and kiss me on my forehead
break the silence,kiss me on my forehead
let me know you too were tired of the wait;
i need to feel the love, just kiss me on my forehead....

long were the nights when you were gone
hard was the walk when you were gone
autumn love seemed so much grey
needless the world seemed, when you were gone....

now that you are here, please don't leave
love needs careless moments, please don't leave
i have lost the patience, i might wither away
hold my hand i need you to stay....

"yeah!! a long distance relationship"

"yeah, a long distance relationship" she said angrily "and why is it so hard for all of you  to accept. i am happy in one. why is it bothering you so much?" her eyes wide. she was tired of  confronting and explaining it to every one. he on the other hand was not expecting such a harsh emotion. the pleasant friendly conversation had suddenly turned into a rebel.

                it wasn't the first time eyebrows were raised when she mentioned she was in a long distance relationship. the classic typical look of surprise on every ones faces. at first she loved the way they reacted,made her feel different from the usual dating crowd but now somehow it had started getting annoying.

               "no tell me, she scowled at her friend "what's the big deal in it?". he had his doubts ready and clear. he started "well,they never last anyways. you people are miles apart, there's no romance,not many mushy moments. you cant hold hands when you want to neither can you see each other every day. you keep waiting for his return. i mean ain't that exclusively so cliché and boring". 

                she listened to all he had to say patiently,smiled and said "yeah its cliche,yeah its boring. but when i am getting down the bus and see him waiting there anxiously staring at the door just to see me step down,the smile his face owns when our eyes meet after months of waiting. priceless!! you think he would be that excited if i would meet him every other day. and for the romance its not always about the physical relationship my dear. he knows and understands when i say i miss him or when he says he misses me. its not made up.we actually do. i know he means the good night kisses when he gives me one cause he doesn't get to place it on my lips every night. the romance my dear is when he will find every opportunity to catch my hand when he is walking with me.its not every day he gets to let me know he is always there for me. we wait for our moments together cause when we are miles apart they are all we have. we do have our mushy moments,though few, they stay longer in our memories."

                she looked at her friend thought she convinced him enough but it wasn't so easy to pacify him. his doubts continued, " okay say in other scenario what if he eventually met someone at his place and realize its not working for you two.he might two time you.he might cheat on you. how do you even trust what he says when there is a whole possibility he might be lying."

                 somehow she knew that would come up. faith is always an issue and she had her answer ready "trust, that's the best part of long distance relationships. you just cant question loyalties here. its all blind faith. well if he had to cheat,two time me do you think he would waste his energy,time just for a phone call from me,got upset in case i forgot to buzz him "i am awake,good morning"  we trust each other no matter what because we have no other choice. and that's good. i don't go scrolling his contact lists,inbox every other day or even when we meet.we don't have time for foolish stuff like that. we don't be pain in the ass for each other cause we don't nag each other 24*7. we enjoy our own space, our privacy.and about meeting someone else.. that's a part of destiny we can't control. believe me a guy would never go through the pain of long distance relationship for years unless he was really serious about you. what more you want than the surety that the relationship means something.".                                                                                                                                                   
                 he drew himself into silence.she on the other hand was smiling to herself cause somehow she had unknowingly explained herself how lucky she was.. she no longer cared what her friend was thinking, or if she convinced him .. it was just enough for her that she was happy in a long distance relationship!!

keep faith !!

I know you are worried....

i know you have doubts....

But just hold my hand....

and let life sort it out....

we have memories to make....

and risks to take........

I never said everything will be easy....

but it wont always be difficult....

Just look into my eyes.. 

I assure you our luv is enough to make everything alright.... 

Just keep faith....

we have just one life.......

we cant forever wait...........

Goodbye!!

 Standing there staring at his name she thought of all the good times. He made her laugh to the extent that she would flip out of her chair. He loved her hair. The way he played it with his soft fingers,tugging them away every time it covered her face. His light brown mesmerizing eyes that would cast a love spell impossible to resist. He was so perfect, attentive to her every move, always reading her mind, knowing her thoughts as they came. He had the perfect smile to get her back from her grumpy grievous side..
                        It's the way he planned those perfect moments and anniversaries, giving her stories to make her female friends envious. And so secretly proud was she of that. He was her life, her comfort, her soul.
                         She stood there staring at his grave. Hoping he would somehow hug her from behind and say it was just a joke. He had played such a prank before  and he knew how much it had hurt her. Yet like a fool she turned around to see if he would be standing there, pointing and laughing at her.
                        The reason for her visit this time was different. Not that she stopped missing him or something but this time she was angry at him. She had stormed out of her house, drove all the way just to tell him that she was angry. He had made her life too easy,happy and perfect. He had loved her too much and now she was forced to live without it. His perfect love didn't allow her to move on, didn't allow her to feel and fall in love again. Cause every time she tried she landed up comparing those amateurs to his love and their love seemed so naive. Time and again this would happen and that she was tired of the loneliness
                     She shouted, cried, explained. She spoke her mind. She spoke her heart. Tired of life, tired of missing him; she wept on his grave....
                     After a while, after all the complaints and hate, the storm in her receded. Suddenly she felt the guilt. She felt as if she betrayed him complaining his love was too perfect. How could she be so selfish? She had turned his perfect love into a tool for her anger, an excuse to try and get back at him so she could get on with her life..
                      She stood there staring at his name. Hoping that he would be listening, her eyes wet asking for forgiveness. The anger all gone but her soul wrapped in guilt, she felt horrible. It was time she knew to say her last goodbye. She always feared the moment, the fact that she would never have the guts to do it. But she had to learn to let go. Not giving into the guilt she kissed his grave, smiled at him and said goodbye.
                     She stood there for a moment embracing the grief one last time. Gave him the last look of love hoping he would forgive her and that he would be at peace. She turned her back and slowly walked away from the only man she loved. The man who taught her perfect love.  

a moment of appreciation!!

yes!! i know we had our bad patch.. but we did have our happy stories.. it doesn't matter to me whether we drifted apart, hurt each other or turned our back when one of us needed to hold on.. we have been there for each other a number of times.. and that's what i am proud of...
                  i am proud that we could work out on our differences, i am proud that despite many of our senseless behaviour we had the courage to confront them, we had the courage to say sorry.. to realize no matter what life had destined we didn't turn out to be those people who cursed each other forever..
                 i am just happy that i made the right choices in life.. i made a right choice being with you...          
                 making  relations work is a part of life.. sometimes they just don't.. i cant justify why..we all have our own reasons... being with you taught me a lot.. not being with you taught me the most.. i don't regret fate.. it was never ours... but am glad we accepted what came and moved on..
                 its nice to know the care,the concern still exists... that we can still laugh at each others mistakes... its nice to know it wasn't just a fluke.. that i can still count on you... that we can still be friends..
                 it was a great journey... indeed.. a roller coaster ride... thrilling and nerve breaking... even though it has ended it has left us with a smile...

it won't work

"No,it won't work" he said."Our families have nothing in common and i personally don't think us getting married is a good idea." 
                  she stood there silent and still. marriage was not even on her list. not yet. all she wanted was to make this work but every time he would come up with ideas to blow her out. she was tired of holding on.she was tired of thinking one day he will notice what he meant for her.
                 "okay,but it was you who had said few years back that everything will be fine,that we will work it out with our parents. you had promised me you will see to it" she was almost on the verge of tears. her eyes holding on to the big pearly drops as if they were precious. she didn't want to seem weak and ugly. he hated when she cried.
                 "i am sorry" he said. "things were different then. i was too young and i didn't think this through." there was no hint of hurt in his eyes. he seemed so stable. he spoke as if it wasn't his fault.
                 she stood quiet cause she knew she was far away from convincing him. may be this time she didn't want to convince him. far long back his proposal seemed like a cinderella story. she was  the lady in gown, the lucky one to see him bow down to his knees to tell her he loved her. he even promised her happily ever after. so much for that she laughed in her head.now  here he is saying "it won't work".
                 "goodbye then"she said. and those stupid drops had to trickle down her cheeks. she waited so that he could hold her close and wipe them one last time.but he didn't.he stood there watching her. she looked into his eyes trying to find that one look of sadness. but he seemed normal and that ached her heart. was she the only one in pain. it couldn't hurt more.
                 she left. didn't look back. she hated herself for making a wrong choice. anything works if you want it to work  she thought. but the damage was done.
                 then suddenly her phone beeped. a text message from him " turn around idiot. did you really think i was gonna let you go"

a conversation: 2

he: "my mom was saying you are a good girl. She really likes you."
she: "ofcourse, she will cause i am !!"
he: "hahaha.. Someone should ask me that. I cover you up a lot in front of people. Make you look good!!"
she: what!
he: "yeah! ask me the real you."
she: "you never find anything good in me. you always have to look for my mistakes."
he: yes!! always!! who else will??

a conversation

he: "hey,i miss you"....
she: "huh,now that's a surprise.since when did you start missing me"
he(dissapointed): "this is the reason i never tell that i do. you just never believe it,do you?"
she(chuckles): "there,there my sweetheart.calm down.sometimes its just nice to know the reason."
he: there isn't any.. i just miss you.

damsel in distress

         she was a shy damsel in distress.. distress cause she was alone in the world of couples..no real friends to count on.. no close encounters with true love..the word was apt... her state made her vulnerable to any pleasant comment  that came her way.. cause it was only the thing that got a smile on her face... she wanted to commit..to open up her bottled self..to puke her thoughts to any guy who randomly seemed interested... all she wanted was to hopelessly fall in love.
                love is a strange place to be in...at one moment it seems the world and at the next hell.. she never knew what kind of man she wanted... tall,dark,handsome or smarty pants... it was just so difficult to find the perfect breed...that one person who would just fit in.. ultimately she had stopped expecting..or rather she had convinced herself they were extinct... secretly she was protecting herself..cause she knew her heart was too easy to break...
                fate has its own irony..it strikes when you least expect it too... she stumbled upon a man.. yes tall,dark and handsome...yes smarty pants... her heart tickled her way cause he seemed to like her...
        mystique in a way he complemented her... he knew her needs..he knew her inside.. she was an open book..and his seemed tightly covered... she opened up like a bottle of champagne...one pop it and all came gushing out...he enjoyed every side of hers... she was indeed special... 
                 again love is a strange place to be in.. at one moment you feel on the top of the world and at the next you are thrown on the bridge of reality.... she tried to take his silence to be a good listener.. but now she had nothing to say.. she was waiting for him to talk.. he said there was none.. his mind seemed like box with a lock but no key... she tried hard to let herself in his world.. but he was too adamant.. too self contained...   there was something about him... his aura... something she never understood... his dark brown eyes shadowed his inside... she always felt herself at the surface..  the more she got closer to him,the farther he seemed....
                he left her saying he wasn't ready... she thought which men are... she payed the price for wearing her heart on her sleeves... she gulped up her glass of wine.. poured some more and toasted herself  cause at least for now she knows which 'one' kind of  breed she doesn't match"..         

i miss you!!

i can never put in words
how much you mean to me...
baby being alone right now
is making me miss you,don't you see....

i lay idle staring at the dark blue sky
and i miss those strong arms curled around
baby i am alone right now
and loneliness is not good to sound....

baby i miss those silent kisses
you stole every night..
i miss those cozy curls
waking up,you by my sight...........

they say distance makes love sustain
yet somewhere it gives a lot of pain...
but what is love without distance i say
baby i miss you a lot
when alone on a starry night i lay!!!

a silent night

Around midnight under the bed of twinkling stars we were there on the beach....empty and lonely as the place was, we just the two of us crowded it.. the cold sand drifted as we trailed along silently... i didn't know whom was i listening to; your silence or the sea...
                 we were imposters,hiding behind the cloak of friendship... i was wondering when will we shake it off and accept the truth.. the truth that there were feelings storming every time we stepped close.. the truth that we knew each  other too well.. the truth that we were in love..... the truth that we just had to admit...
                 for the first time we had nothing to talk..or may be we were just busy fighting the feelings.. hoping we shouldn't  make a fool out of ourselves.. cause once the line of friendship was crossed there was no turning back....
                i glanced at the sea... hoping she would answer.. i know it does sound stupid but it just seemed appropriate then.. the waves gently touching my feet... i looked at him... doing my maths.. what was he thinking.. he looked at me and smiled.. ah! that killing smile... i felt my feet burn..i felt myself getting restless... i smiled back awkwardly
               we walked,stopped,looked at each other,smiled.. and again we walked...  the breeze as ruthlessly cold as it was got us closer... the moon did seem interested... the clouds kept covering his sight.. and then i felt you come closer.. my stomach clinched.. i felt your hands move down mine... it seemed i would faint.. the sea didn't seem silent now... suddenly i could hear all that i had ignored all along.. i felt your cold fingers curled so tightly with mine...
              i was awestruck.. thinking how should i react.. was this really happening.. or again my inside, my head was delusional...the moment was incestuous.. i didn't want it to pass by.. i had to make a move... i had to show you my side of affection...
             i moved closer.. felt like my stomach might have just twisted inside... drifted my head on your shoulder with eyes clinched tight... hoping not to see your reaction.. hoping that's what you wanted... hoping that it wasn't a wrong move.....
             you abruptly stopped..we weren't walking anymore... i felt guilty.. i thought i just ruined it... i opened my eyes.... your face was horror struck..as if  i committed a crime... i was looking for a sign that it was alright.. a sign that it was just right.. a sign that i hadn't freaked you out....
             for a moment i thought i lost my world... i didn't notice my eyes were wet... felt like barging out from there... shaking you off and apologizing  for being so impulsive... i couldn't look into your eyes.. i screwed up...
             may be u just understood my thoughts..  the conflict.. the embarrassment... all i knew was the next moment you had your hands around me.. and i was silent,peacefully wrapped in your arms... everything again seemed shushed.. i heard your heart beats for the first time... and i felt as if i was the one making them beat so fast... you didn't have a slightest clue how good it made me feel inside.. or wait.. you knew!!
             we stood there looking at each other.. smiling.. the silence just seemed so perfect .. never wanting the words to ruin them... everything had fallen in place.. all the emotions right...
             and we walked... holding hands.. i was smiling.. couldn't keep it down.. and i wondered this is how love feels.... i again looked at the sea.. wondering what she might be thinking.. cause she just witnessed in few moments 'the journey from being friends to falling in love'...

if only...............

i wonder how would it be
if you would be with me..
if only i had stayed a little long
and if you hadn't screwed it all along..

i wonder if i would love you the same
even though you erased my name
what if i would have given you a second chance
and in you i might have seen a change


i think, i think and i think
was i too hasty to move on
what if our love did mean something
and to you i would  belong


if only you realized 'i was missing' a bit soon
if only you hadn't been such a goon
if only you had the courage you did lack
if only you had said once 'come back'

i go through the times with you i laughed
i go through the times you made me cry
i go through the times you behaved a jerk
& i go through the times you let me walk by


if only you had said 'you need me the most'
if only you had gone too far to prove me wrong
if only you had tried not to make sense
if only you would have used your heart and not your brains


believe me i would have happily stayed
believe me i would have let go all your mistakes
and we would be together for now and ever
only if that sorry hadn't come years late!!!!

love of my life

               In life You never choose love, love chooses you… coz whosoever you battle for, argue for, go on war for seldom realizes the struggle, and the guy standing besides you consoling your every tear unknowingly becomes  the one.. and you realize you were foolish to search world’s ends when he was just there besides you…
               You search, manipulate, decide, plan to fall in love.... to find your soulmate...and you bump into a person u never thought had the potential of being your partner.. and you are taken aback, taken by surprise...
               what you thought was just a passe, now makes a difference in your life.. and he knows you like nobody did, your every move, your every thought... you no longer can manipulate yourself in front of him.. you no longer can lie... you no longer can hide.. you no longer can escape....
               you start unfolding unknowingly.. opening your craziest and deepest thoughts… in your head you say ‘damn that was silly’ .. but he takes it well.. he laughs at you, he says ‘that was cute’ and you blush….nothing seems awkward.. nothing seems stupid…
               his nose gets red when you don’t pay attention, he will fight, blame it on you but then he will always call back….
                When he chooses you over his friends, and says ‘I couldn’t miss that’ and you stand staring at him coz you never thought you were his first choice…
               Every time you don’t respond you can feel the concern in his voice.. you no longer can hold back.. you no longer can stand the distance.. and you surrender to his love.. you surrender to his emotions… not because he loves you the way you want but he loves you in his own style, his childish little ways, and you fall in love………….
               Fall in love with those stupid filmy dialogues he says for you,  how every time he has an excuse to pull your leg, how every time he will laugh at your mistakes and hold you in his arms on seeing your long face and then laugh again… Only he has the power, the words to console,.. and his sight makes makes everything alright and you stand vulnerable in front of him, as he leaves you say to yourself ‘he is my man’     there it is ‘the love of your life’

the wrong one!!

love is a complicated situation to be in.. we prepare our ourselves to fight the world for it....but sometimes love itself lets us down and we are in a dilemma!! to wait or move on!! to sit and expect that 'the one' will come back and realize your so deep love...or accept that you were betrayed and let go!! this poem is for those who invested their love for 'the wrong one' to just realize they had been a fool all along!!



when i left the hope
that you would return..
years for what my eyes waited,
my patience burned...
those longing hours,day
and night i remember...
shedding tears,praying
for the distance to surrender.....


everyday i woke up
with a new hope to meet..
everynight i slept
may be tomorrow;you i see...
love was struggling to
make itself survive..
in the midst of all darkness
no silver ray it could find....
its just a matter of time
it kept saying..
surrounded by innocent dreams
scared to see them crumbling....


then one day unexpected though
we met as strangers so..
you stood numb,eyes down
not a word,not a sound..
you didn't call me,you didn't respond
never said i missed you long..
tears made their way on this.
my heart was left shattered;
this is what i got for
all those prayers....


i wanted to tell you how
badly i needed you,
how very tough everyday was
when you were away....
all i wanted was to cry
in your arms,
so grief could make their way.....

you let your silence speak,
my life then seemed bleak..
with heavy steps i made my way,
the castle of my love
had been mocked away...
blown was my faith in
love,the moment i left....
yet you be at god's grace
was all i said....

the love has ended now,
i know it's all over.....
today,ever when i recall that day
my heart gives a shiver........!!!!!!

a journey to the past!!

an ordinary day....and ofcourse if you are sitting idle  mom insists you to clean up your cupboard... with a grim on your face,with all the frustration and anger you open the cupboard... and you dig up the mess...all the stuff thats bin there for ages... surprisingly you just find yourself travelling back in time... my one such delightful experience :) :) :)



once i was cleaning my cupboard,
it had become so much dusty..
i noticed an old book lying beneath.
with a question mark on my face,
i took it in my hand
though it looked very old
i wondered why i kept it!!!

the first page i opened &
to my surprise the book
belonged to my college days
obviously that instant a wide wide smile
had gripped my face!!!

the first four five pages
belonged to some notes
which i had so sincerely noted down...
and i grew curious to know
whats coming next
and gone was the frown!!!

yes! those were the days
so much mine
friends and only friends
made the world shine
wasn't i lucky to find good ones??
whose mind was as fussy as mine!!

i saw the pages where
'flames' was removed
those all nonsense things
i guess only we could do..
love percentages,dares and those
classy jokes one by one
made me laugh on
possibly what i had done!!!

then there was a picture,kind of cartoon,
i wondered who could this be..
oh! yes yes! this was our teacher
whose face i had drawn during his own lecture..
later ofcourse it was improved
by my friends,
below my artist buddies also
signed their names!!

haha!! i gave a hearty laugh
my!my! guts we had..
to bunk & hog & sing
we were mischievous kids
with big naughty wings!!

joy and happiness was in the air,
fun was all we ever aimed.
somethings that we did
were definitely stupid ,
but it hardly mattered
cause unknowingly we were making memories!!!

i miss you people,

incredible were the times we shared
days pass by, an era
comes to an end and
you got to move on to make new friends..
and yet everytime when i turn around and look back
i smile,cause i know you are the people to whom
i can never say 'good bye'!!!

i wont quit!!!

Few years back i had to make a choice... the first was a easier one get on with the branch i get based on my marks..live with it my entire life... the second was to take a years break,give the exam again hoping to b what i always wanted to be.. a doctor!! as usual in our indian set up following your dreams isnt an easy task cause you have your family,people around you questioning your sanity,your decision making,telling you whats right for you... that was the time when i decided to go with the odds... it wasnt easy so this would cheer me up whenever i was low!! and it was all worth it!!!



            few whom i held dear
            now seem so apart,
            when trust is betrayed
            and you are a broken heart.....

            when you wish to be left alone
             and make a new start
            yet why hope seems low
            and dreams depart...........
     
            when life becomes queer
             and you want to thrive
            when you want to give your best
             and again survive..............
            then why faith's lost
            and you feel its not worth the fight....

            when you dream to win
             and you badly loose
            when efforts are not paid
              and tears you choose.....
            still why cant anyone understand
              one can still make it through....

            for the things you never did
              and yet you are blamed
            no one hears your
              innocent claim...
            its your own people who turn away
               nothing can ever recede this pain.........

            the road you take is all uphill
              and you have only your will
            there's no one to help and no one to hold
               and the possibility seems nill.......

            challenges are all to come and go
              aint that life; sometimes high,sometimes low
            stand tall even when its a big fall
              god is there,he knows it all..
            these are hurdles to see if you are fit
              to make it through just say
            "i wont quit"

paus ani toh...

मन झाले उदास या पावसाच्या थेम्बाना

गड गडत्या आकाशासारख मन पण रडत माझ

या सरी हातात टिपून , आठवणी घेऊन येई निरभ्र आभाळ

सांर विसरलेल्या त्या नयनांना कशाला रे परत रडवलं

या पिवळ्या अशा रानाला हिरवा रंग का शोभतो

अबोल या मनाला हाच ऋतू का भावतो

मातीची हि वाट तू आल्यावर चिखल होते

तशीच ह्या हृदयात त्या क्षणांची घाळमेळ वाढते

दोन क्षणाचा तो पाऊस अख्खा दिवस सतावतो

तो पण त्याच्या सारखाच निघून जातो

हातात फक्त हा थेंब तर तो अश्रू ठेवतो

a lost love!!!

i just remembered all
those tried to forgotten days
with all its brisk tinge
tears came down like rain

all those words which
are yet kept here untold
and those silent feats that
now leave my heart cold

i have a flower in hand
whose petals are lively red
they were then and they are now
only its fragrance has faded

how happy i had bin when
i knew you loved me
it took me by surprise
but the fate was hard to believe

don't weep oh heart
when the ground is greeted by shower
it's never meant for joy

since winter is soon to follow

silent the world has become around
since you left mine without a sound
how slowly and quietly you made your way
couldn't even hear my own dream's break

i collected those broken pieces

and did join them together

this time there was something missing

you who had left forever

wasn't i a fool to
expect so much from you
everything is incompletely done

and the grief is nothing new

sagged are my hopes one by one
that i held to please myself
it pricks me like a thorn
no tears left to spare

what should i do next
will i be able to walk alone
i ask myself to see
but it's so lost somewhere
that it doesn't even answer me!