the last hug!!

'Love is not easy dear',she quoted.'You cant escape it,ever'. he listened letting her speak whats on her mind.she always could so clearly,he thought. he regretted to be born as the dumb mute who couldn't just say his heart loud.
               "may be we will meet in the heaven" she said. "may be" he replied. she lay there in his arms not knowing what to do.she didn't dare look up at him.she didn't have the strength. he hugged her tight as if it was the last time it was meant to be and then rolled her under him and stared with eyes so full of love. he didn't need to say a word cause she knew the turmoil inside him but he knew he had let her know what she meant to him to before it was too late.
              He said "i don't claim my life to be the best but you always made it better. I know love doesn't come easy but dear i am glad be it in a difficult way,we found each other. don't think am rude but i cant be thankful for your love,cause it was always meant to be mine and somehow now i don't mind your little obsessions, i don't mind your tantrums,i don't mind you letting me know always how much you love me. i am so sorry if i never said it enough. i wish i had. its just that no matter what happens just know you were always the one."
            she smiled and hid back in his strong arms crying silently. he didn't stop her this time. he didn't say a word. letting her go was the most painful thing,more painful than not being alive. he looked up and said "hate you God! if only you'd give me more time."

Big Break!!

Everyone has their stories. Everyone is struggling to make a place for themselves in the world. May be its just me i think who loves to take a break every now and then to push myself to the point were i feel life is great when i am doing nothing.
         I see many on their toes hurrying,pacing towards their dream. Not that i shouldn't be. Its a great thing they do but i wonder why can't i be that passionate,be that committed to work. I love my work but i can't just do it all the time.  Guess distractions matter.  Have too many good things around me to keep me from concentrating on what's important. I have no clue if its good or bad for the future but it keeps me happy. Away from sadness and depression, it gives me a new perspective every time, makes me look at life in a good way. There are so many things we miss out on, so many moments that are worthy to stand by and watch.
        Its hard to be the only one to care so less about things. Neither have i achieved much to brag about luxury. There's a possibility with my pace i might just do nothing in life but for now am liking it this way.
             

When You Stop Expecting!!

"I have work you know. I cannot come to meet you everyday. God damn stop being so demanding" he yelled at her. "but i just asked you after so many days" her voice shrieked. "well then i still can't make it!" he banged the phone and the line was cut.
             She sat there at the corner of her room not knowing what to do. She was so drained out of emotions that she didn't even feel like crying this time. It was not the first time he had canceled on her.for now it had become a routine. She sat there for hours in thoughts so deep she skipped her dinner. She was awake all night processing every detail of her relationship with him and she at last came to a conclusion.
           She called him the next day and every day after that asking him how he was doing,where had he been and what was going on his front. The only thing she never asked him was when to meet. Its not that she didn't get the urge to do it but she tried hard not to. Days passed into months and the thought of not meeting him seemed easier day by day. She finally had started becoming free of the luggage she carried on her heart. Until one day he asked "you have changed so much. don't you ever feel like meeting me". She kept the phone without saying a word and drowned herself into tears cause she had forgotten how to answer that.

take me by surprise!!

once... once someday i would like to
walk in a room full of roses...
or a card tugged besides my pillow...
may be a box full of chocolates..
or a drive along a strange road...
just baby once take me by surprise..
just to show me am prized...
once let me know that you are happy
to find me in your life!!!

once... once someday i would like you
to knock at my door just to say 'hi'..
get a bunch of lily's to make my day bright..
take me to watch a sunset or just the beach..
say i am not ever far from your reach..
just baby once take me by surprise..
just to show me am prized...
once let me know that you are happy
to find me in your life!!!

i know these cheesy stuff you so call
cant define the love we share
neither do i say that if you don't do this
i would care any less..
but for once make our love feel kinda special
and for once let me say 'is this for real'?
just once let me know what it is
to be in a fairy tale...

just baby once take me by surprise..
just to show me am prized...

once let me know that you are happy
to find me in your life!!!

when at the movies!!

i was with you in the dark
watching people move on the screen
all i could think was how would life be
without you holding my hand when i lean.

a hundred times i looked at you
when you were staring at the screen
happy to see the smile on your face
happy to see you quote the songs and sing..

in the dark was the magic moment
when you put your arms around
and i could listen to those silent beats
as if there was no other sound...

i cried silently in the dark
cause i knew once its over you would go
i wiped those tears silently in the dark
so my fear you wouldn't know....

how i never wanted those few hours to end
how i never wanted to get in the light
how i wished i could make the time stop
so you would always be by my side!!

what will it take!!

i am trying hard to get you back
but you seem so distant and aloof
and i wonder in the dark

is it me or its just life's another spoof.

i'm smiling cause that's what you want,

i call and say "how are you, i'm fine".
the truth is its hurting bad,

but for you i'm keeping my pain aside..

what will it take to get you back
what will it take to know what's on your mind
what will it take for you to see my ache
what will take to let you know i love you deep inside

just come back for me to live..

nothing interests me no more...
the distances just don't seem to end
i sit alone in the dark with tears of no soul...

but i'm tired of fighting alone for love every time
and i'm tired to be the one to care
i'm tired of all the excuses you give to escape
i'm tired of consoling things will get better,just wait!

i love you cause you a get a smile on my face
i love you because you lighten up my world
i love you for all the stupid conversations we had
i love you for the thousands of kisses you gave.

no one can understand me the way you do

no one can make me live the way you do
i need you for us,i know i complete you
i need you for a life,can't live without you.

happy valentines day!!

She saw him standing there,looking at her. Her footsteps paced and she raced towards him wiping those tears. He took her in his arms. "Hey,hey. What happened?' he asked. She couldn't speak. She sobbed like a three year old, her eyes swollen, cheeks red. She tried hard to let the words out but she was so grieved that every time she tried saying something she choked. He stood there silent with the girl in his arms, neither asking nor comforting.
            Hours later they laughed. "Remember that jerk made you pay for the date and once he said he had to 'study' so he couldn't come for a weekend trip with you, as if those books were gonna do him any good. He wasn't even that bright" he said. "I know. What a jerk" she laughed about it. "Where do you even find such nuts?" he asked. "I don't know. I just choose the good 'bad boys'. My bad" she continued "I wish it would have lasted a few more days  until valentines day."  He looked at her with mouth wide open. For him it was one of the most ridiculous thing to hear. "What,are you crazy?"he almost yelled. She knew it was a stupid thing to say but she really meant it. she continued explaining  "I never celebrated valentines dear. When i look at other people,it makes me sad. I never had someone to love me like that. For once in my life i wish i had that head over heels cheesy valentine" and within no time tears rolled down her eyes. "oh oh! please don't cry. Now it took me a lot of efforts to get you to smile", he said.
           They were best friends. They had been together for years. They understood each other more than anyone could. Others thought they would make a perfect couple but for them they knew this was it 'friends forever'.
           The day came she feared of all. It was valentines day and love was in the air. She already had it planned, sit at home and do nothing. She got a text from her friend " Be ready. Will pick you up in an hour". She wore a tee, jeans, brushed her hair and waited for him . He came up dressed all good and tidy. He saw her and yelled "What the hell are you wearing, go put on your best dress. For god's sake i am taking you on a date." "What!" she yelled "Have you gone crazy? "she asked. "Now do what i say" he pushed her back in her house "It's Valentines day. Time to make it 'Our Day'.

          

when in a break up!!

So that's it,its over!!! she said. "Okay,if you say so",he replied with a straight face. she stared at him for a reaction,for a confrontation,may be even a war..but he stood there embracing silence. after a brief period he said "if you think things won't work between us,you can leave. this is how it is going to be always." All she wanted was for him to find time from his busy schedule,once without her begging him to. She was angry,frustrated and defeated,pushed in the same scenario she was years back. "goodbye then",he said. she smiled a bye and she came home;confused,hurt.
                Time wasn't the only criteria to call it off . he seemed aloof lately,not responding,not caring,not calling which wasn't the case always.before he missed her,asked to meet,called to sort out a fight.but now circumstances were different. he didn't look happy and she sensed it.
                she knew love like no other. the bondage,the burden of commitment,the slavery. she knew this phase would come where things won't be interesting enough,where all possibilities have been explored,all secrets spilled out and they would be left with nothing but each other. only a handful of men could sustain this,others would find every way to escape out.
                she was prepared. yet something was different with this guy.she expected him not to be like the rest. she expected him to call back and say "let's think this all over". she expected him to miss her, to come out of blue and surprise her. but he didn't ,reality didn't hurt as much the expectations did!! he was a good guy. for the first time she felt she was in a real relationship where things could mend themselves even when it went horribly wrong. she didn't deny that it wasn't her fault. but she wanted to know how much this relation meant to him,could he go out of way to save it,whether she mattered to him to the extent she thought she did. she waited hours and days for a call,a tiny note of 'hi,how are you'. but she had been a fool,as she had been always. he backed out when he should have stayed.he accepted to part when all she wanted was for him to hold on,give a reason for the behavior and get back the differences to normal.
              there she was alone all over again. loneliness was never a problem. she had had enough setbacks in life to stand strong. the only thing she was afraid of was that he would say "please,come back. i am sorry" when she would've moved on,never to look back.

           

deciding what you exactly want!!!!

decisions are hardest to make.. right wrong is the later part.. deciding what you exactly want is the hardest. she had to choose between her mediocre love or a well settled man who had a lifestyle she loved,she craved for.
            her guy barely matched her standards,she was way better at everything than him.but he was the guy who would love her forever,who would stand by her no matter what.. the reason she fell for him was his simplicity.he was loyal,kind and compassionate. but she had dreams. she knew the other was a golden key to everything she ever wished for.she could travel the world with him,be at places she always dreamt of,meet people,be a part of something different,something creative. be attached yet independent with no family issues to look after.

           she thought of her love.. yes,she loved him for what he was but if she chose him she would compromise and give up her deepest desires.. and if she went with the latter she would be called a gold digger.she wasn't even sure if she could live with the betrayal.but he had the power to free her of her bonds,the dumb old traditions she always hated,the interference and uninvited advices she despised.but she was aiming in thin air there.
          what if she had everything but no love. would she be fine with it. with her love she knew things will be tough but things will work out in the end,but with the latter she knew nothing.all could turn out excellent or all could be a disaster. was she willing to take the risk? to start all over again?
          she decided to leave it on fate. may be with time she will know what she wants. till then she chose to live in the dilemma. she needed to give love the time it needed to settle,to let her know that her sacrifices are worth it!! for once she needed to give love a chance to prove itself !!! 

It can't always be a fairy tale!!

A true loves kiss.. and she woke up... they sang a song.. and lived happily ever after... yeahh well,see that happen in a real world... not all are born beautiful and elegant,with the the gift of singing and connecting to the birds.. not all wake up by a kiss of some random handsome,rich prince.... not all just know in a first glimpse that it will be their joyful forever after.....
            in the real world you have to fight your way for love... you have to adjust,compromise,learn and understand.. you have to earn a livelihood.. cause not all are hooked to rich men... love doesn't come all so easy riding on a horse... sweeps you away from your feet and takes you to a castle where you are readily accepted... in the real world you have to convince your in laws,go through all the crap they say,accept different things,and learn to be happy with all of it..
            we gamble here.. we get hurt.. its not just one witch to let you down,or a step mom or a step sister..here you get plenty of people wishing no good for you..!!!
            love isn't always so easy for all.. not all are blessed with a divine ending.... it's not as simple as a fairy tale shows it can be.... its complicated.. and it will always be... So if you want true love.. be sure to get hurt.. be sure to be let down.. be sure to be sitting in a corner and shedding tears... till you find one 'imperfect' person who can be tolerable enough to love.. when you find one hang in there... trust,understand,compromise,adjust,share,open up,fight,make peace.. give some space,let go... make mistakes..learn from them....
                In Love if you 'want' a happily ever after.. you gotta 'work' for a happy ever after!!!!