At 3am

I am terrified of myself.
The one thing I could do So easily,
Why has it become so hard to do?
At 3am I am anxiously pacing
On the terrace not knowing how
I feel!
I am trying to breathe and I am panting
Trying to get all choked up.
But the tears don't seem to run.
What have I lost?
Is this me being a bipolar.
Or I constantly see myself in mania.
Or is it that nothing seems happy or
Sad enough!
Anxious at 3am, the rain is giving me the chills.
I am dying to cry but I feel
Like a desert who has eaten up its oasis.!
Or else why would I be staring at empty roads not knowing,
Not knowing why am I this
restless at 3am.!