From Love to Arrange!!

She sat there all dressed up looking very much like a bride. Inattentive to the hustle and bustle around her she was the only one not happy about the situation. "For god's sake get a smile on your face" her mother scowled and left the room. She sat there staring at the mirror. She knew she was looking absolutely fantastic in her crimson red saree,the gold jewelry around her neck,the bangles in her hand. He would have gone crazy to see me dressed like this she thought. She was sitting there with implacable pain in her heart. The tears filling up her big brown eyes and she wiping them off before it trickled down her red powdered cheeks.

           

 She had always imagined this day to come where she'd be excited and nervous, where she thought the two families would meet and she would explain why those two were perfect for each other. She had played this scene a hundred times in her mind. The indian love marriage family drama she would face. She had thought of all the possible questions that could be raised so as to why this is not a good idea but she had also prepared their answers to perfection.
             In the end she had imagined everything falling in place and she marrying the guy she promised to love forever.
             She called him and said "the guy and his family are coming to see me" and he didn't seem to react. He said "Well,if you find him good marry him" and those words ripped off her heart. Torn  between the love who failed to commit and her parents ambitious of getting her married she succumbed to the pressure. The irony was she had been crushed and her acceptance of arrange marriage had made her family exceptionally happy. No one noticed the grim on her face,no one noticed the tears wiped off every now and then,no one noticed her smile to be fake. Yet this didn't hurt much than the fact that the guy whom she counted on for years was so easy on letting her go and that to forever.
             Her mum came in and said "lets go,the guy and his family has arrived". She stood up with her fake smile which now seemed so real to everyone. Her pain tearing her off inside,she walked the steps from what she had always thought to be a love-arrange journey to now being only arrange!!
               

Sleepless night

Asleep in the calm of a sleepless night
Can i creep under the blanket of your love?
Can i play my fingers through your hair?
Can i unfold my true colors oh love?

Do you mind if i cuddle in your arms
in the cold of this wary night?
So that my eyelashes are almost close to yours
for not once you be out of my sight.

Will you resist kissing me darling
with the lips so distant close?
Won't you loosen all your senses to every move?
Won't you go out of control?

With every breath i can feel the beat
With every touch your moves unfold
In the silent shadows of a lusty night
the grip tightens with every hold!

For the night you whisk me away
For the night let the world disappear
In the darkness beholding the unknown
Let the conflict of desires unfold! 

Best of Me!!

We are challenged enough by life. I mean i come in those few who doesn't know how life can be simple. There have been enough ups and downs,twists and turns to let me know life can't be smooth for me and some where i have accepted this fact. Accepted disappointments,sat in a corner cried for hours,lost friends,lost love,lost trust,lost faith and yet i know i have the strength to not give into them.
           Sometimes i wonder where i did i learn this from,when did i actually start thinking like a grown up,how did i learn this relationship crap,how did i know how to react,when to stay calm,when to blow out. Well! deep inside i have all the answers. The reasons i am the way i am.
           But sometimes it sucks understanding everything and everyone.. It sucks that i don't react acutely, it sucks that i balance everything and consider everyone's emotions. It makes me mad not to be a part of on and off huge tantrums.
           The part what sucks the most is even being so considerate you still find jerks screwing with you. No matter how good you be to anyone somewhere its all gonna bounce back and nothings gonna count.
           Yet again this is how life works. At least i have an open mind to accept the facts around me,wait a moment,give it a sane thought and move on. The moving on part is the best i can do. Its easy,less of drama,less of crap people get in your life.
           Still i believe there is some good in everyone. No matter what,no matter how mean they be to you,how illogical their behavior can be, somewhere every one has their own reasons to behave the way they do.
           Yet again the good always gets the best of me, even to make me miserable but still hoping some day in the long run this good will do good and make the journey worth it!
         
         

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

The importance of friends is realized when you are in a break up. We often tend to take them for granted. We cancel on them to meet the one we love. We make plans of movies,long trips without them. We learn to ignore their sms,missed calls completely immersed in that one person who claims to stay forever. I mean we are so confident we won't need them ever that we don't even bother to wait a step,look back to see if they are still with us.
           If we are bound in unfulfilling love,we realize we are almost always alone and somehow love can't keep us happy. By Gods grace if we free ourselves from the disastrous love or on the contrary if we get dumped,hurt,ditched we find ourselves pushed back in deep shit. As usual being humans we need a shoulder to cry on. Someone to whom you can whine about how good you were and how much you went through trying to make the relationship work. Ofcourse, who else can we rather dare to go than our so long ignored friends.                
           The surprising thing is yet they accept us with arms wide open,ready to listen you crib day and night about the soulless heartless creature you once truely loved who never even glanced back to check on how you were doing, were you even dead or alive. Yet they make you laugh,make plans so you won't feel left out. They even plan your birthday's perfect,buzz you every hour and let you know everything will be alright.
          Such friends with big hearts can't be thanked enough. All you can do is thank God cause he gave you those few people whom you could rely on no matter what!

the Long Pause!!

She said to him "I started dating other people." "Oh! good for you" he replied and there was a long pause. Pauses like this are significant. They are awkward and they hurt.
                    Awkward cause once upon a time the two couldn't stop talking. They had stories to tell and so many that the twelve hours of night didn't suffice and the day never seemed to end soon for them to get back on phone together. They laughed,gossiped shared every damn detail they possibly could. The food they ate,the people they met,the fights they had,the friends they share,even the number of times loo they visited.
                   It did hurt because none of them tried to work on it. They just decided to quit on each other. She tried a few times but he seemed reluctant. So she gave up not because she didn't love him but she never wanted to push things on him. He on the other hand never understood this,it was a habit of his to take things for granted and somewhere he thought may be she deserved some one better, more deserving than him. Ironically they cared a lot for each other and so they didn't know what it was to fight for a each other because every time they had issues they thought they were just hurting the other.
                  In this way ended a relationship which could have been perfect had one been a nagging sticky partner. The goodness spoiled it all.
                  The attachment had disappeared. The pauses seemed to get longer and longer.
                  She screamed inside "the only reason am going out is to get away from your thoughts. Just for once say you love me." and he thought "Well she seems fine,moved on may be. Probably doesn't need me now, time to accept its over." The pause ended. He said "bye" she didn't say anything and the call duration showed '2 min.20 sec'.

Protecting me!!!!!!!

At times we expect our partners to walk with us throughout. But then we realize that they have marched way ahead of us and we are still at the same place not knowing what to do? Then starts yet another unusual phase where we stop enjoying love and start protecting ourselves from getting hurt!


I don't confront you
neither do i ask questions
i don't say 'you could have called'
& i don't say i miss you often.

Its not that i stopped caring
but its because i don't want to.
cause am afraid in future
things won't reach till 'I Do'.

You behave as the ruthless wind
who has the power to sweep me off my feet,
Somehow i might get dropped hard
hurt my heart & not just my knee.

You want the freedom
and i give you all.
So there are no bondages
to hold us close if we drift apart.

Your mind changes a thousand times
You have been in and equally out.
You have claimed to care
and yet ignore me throughout.

Tired of your everyday excuses
you made me realize,am a fool to expect
not once but so many times,
Not knowing your version tells the truth
or just more lies.

All am doing now is trying not to care
so to me i be fair.
Cause i don't wanna get hurt,i don't wanna cry
i don't wanna be in the dark
convincing all will be well,just try.

It seems you walking too fast
& i cannot catch up with you.
It seems as if u will disappear
to never look back & ask 'where are you?'
And now am doing everything to
protect my heart.
so that even if you leave
i won't fall apart......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the last hug!!

'Love is not easy dear',she quoted.'You cant escape it,ever'. he listened letting her speak whats on her mind.she always could so clearly,he thought. he regretted to be born as the dumb mute who couldn't just say his heart loud.
               "may be we will meet in the heaven" she said. "may be" he replied. she lay there in his arms not knowing what to do.she didn't dare look up at him.she didn't have the strength. he hugged her tight as if it was the last time it was meant to be and then rolled her under him and stared with eyes so full of love. he didn't need to say a word cause she knew the turmoil inside him but he knew he had let her know what she meant to him to before it was too late.
              He said "i don't claim my life to be the best but you always made it better. I know love doesn't come easy but dear i am glad be it in a difficult way,we found each other. don't think am rude but i cant be thankful for your love,cause it was always meant to be mine and somehow now i don't mind your little obsessions, i don't mind your tantrums,i don't mind you letting me know always how much you love me. i am so sorry if i never said it enough. i wish i had. its just that no matter what happens just know you were always the one."
            she smiled and hid back in his strong arms crying silently. he didn't stop her this time. he didn't say a word. letting her go was the most painful thing,more painful than not being alive. he looked up and said "hate you God! if only you'd give me more time."

Big Break!!

Everyone has their stories. Everyone is struggling to make a place for themselves in the world. May be its just me i think who loves to take a break every now and then to push myself to the point were i feel life is great when i am doing nothing.
         I see many on their toes hurrying,pacing towards their dream. Not that i shouldn't be. Its a great thing they do but i wonder why can't i be that passionate,be that committed to work. I love my work but i can't just do it all the time.  Guess distractions matter.  Have too many good things around me to keep me from concentrating on what's important. I have no clue if its good or bad for the future but it keeps me happy. Away from sadness and depression, it gives me a new perspective every time, makes me look at life in a good way. There are so many things we miss out on, so many moments that are worthy to stand by and watch.
        Its hard to be the only one to care so less about things. Neither have i achieved much to brag about luxury. There's a possibility with my pace i might just do nothing in life but for now am liking it this way.
             

When You Stop Expecting!!

"I have work you know. I cannot come to meet you everyday. God damn stop being so demanding" he yelled at her. "but i just asked you after so many days" her voice shrieked. "well then i still can't make it!" he banged the phone and the line was cut.
             She sat there at the corner of her room not knowing what to do. She was so drained out of emotions that she didn't even feel like crying this time. It was not the first time he had canceled on her.for now it had become a routine. She sat there for hours in thoughts so deep she skipped her dinner. She was awake all night processing every detail of her relationship with him and she at last came to a conclusion.
           She called him the next day and every day after that asking him how he was doing,where had he been and what was going on his front. The only thing she never asked him was when to meet. Its not that she didn't get the urge to do it but she tried hard not to. Days passed into months and the thought of not meeting him seemed easier day by day. She finally had started becoming free of the luggage she carried on her heart. Until one day he asked "you have changed so much. don't you ever feel like meeting me". She kept the phone without saying a word and drowned herself into tears cause she had forgotten how to answer that.

take me by surprise!!

once... once someday i would like to
walk in a room full of roses...
or a card tugged besides my pillow...
may be a box full of chocolates..
or a drive along a strange road...
just baby once take me by surprise..
just to show me am prized...
once let me know that you are happy
to find me in your life!!!

once... once someday i would like you
to knock at my door just to say 'hi'..
get a bunch of lily's to make my day bright..
take me to watch a sunset or just the beach..
say i am not ever far from your reach..
just baby once take me by surprise..
just to show me am prized...
once let me know that you are happy
to find me in your life!!!

i know these cheesy stuff you so call
cant define the love we share
neither do i say that if you don't do this
i would care any less..
but for once make our love feel kinda special
and for once let me say 'is this for real'?
just once let me know what it is
to be in a fairy tale...

just baby once take me by surprise..
just to show me am prized...

once let me know that you are happy
to find me in your life!!!